ROCK THE PROMO – Episode 5 feat. The Rock & Christian (Hosted by Joe Santagato)

ROCK THE PROMO – Episode 5 feat. The Rock & Christian (Hosted by Joe Santagato)

Hey, guys, welcome
to “Rock the Promo.” This is one of my
favorite things because I just– in the world
of wrestling, I love promos. They’re kind of my
thing– kind of in my DNA. My man, Joe Santagato,
is doing an amazing job. Joe, how are you feeling buddy? It doesn’t matter
how you’re feeling. I only do that because
I love you, buddy. You’re my man. All right, listen. No, I’m– seriously,
how are you feeling? OK. It doesn’t fucking matter
how you’re feeling. All right, dude. Got you twice. Listen, appreciate
what you’re doing guys. Enjoy “Rock the Promo.” [SHOUTING] I can’t go into
the whole thing right now. Enjoy the promo. Joe. Joe. Joe, buddy, you having fun? It doesn’t matter if
you’re having fun. I know. I would rather the Rock
be hosting this, as well. “Rock the Promo” is
a weekly competition where contestants lay the
verbal smackdown on each other until one remains. Thousands of people filmed and
submitted their own wrestling promos, and the Rock hand-picked
32 contestants to compete. Now those contestants
are going head to head in a single elimination bracket. We’ve already moved round one. 16 of you moved on. 16 of you sucked
balls, but at least you got to tell people you were
on the Rock’s YouTube channel. You’re welcome. Today we’re moving
into the second round by looking at the left
side of the bracket. We’ve got four match ups,
and this time contestants were instructed to make a promo
dissing their opponent, which shouldn’t be hard because I’ve
been doing that for four weeks. As always, contestants
will be judged on the three Cs–
character, comedy, costume. If you don’t know
what that means, go watch the other
four fucking episodes. Before we meet our contestants,
let’s take a moment to meet our guest judge. He’s a two time world
heavyweight champion, won countless tag
team championships, and he’s a Canadian heartthrob
whose old haircut reminds me of a Disney prince. It’s Christian. Welcome to the show, Christian. What have you been up to? Nothing is up, Joe. Thanks for reminding me. Actually this is the
only thing that I have going on in my life. You forgot to mention,
though– and you should know your
history– that I’m also the Rock’s favorite
wrestler, but I also want to remind the
people that I think your new haircut looks
like a Disney princess, so let’s get to it. Broseph Joe Brody
versus Bruce the Brewer. Oh, hey, bro. Broseph Joe Brody, the
voice of hood slam, back for “Rock the
Promo’s” sloppy seconds. Bruce the Brewer– yeah, I’ve
actually heard of your beer. It’s called shitty
life choices, and it tastes like regret and shame. You know, it’s funny. Before your promo, I had never
heard a yeast infection talk. Fear the beer? What does that even mean? Who fears beer, bro? The only reason to fear beer
is when you’re out of it. And speaking of which,
I am almost out of beer. So you can get the fuck
back to the brewery, brew me some god damn
beer, because you’re looking at the 2016 “Rock
the Promo” champion, bro. You get in the
ring with me, bro, and I’m gonna kick your Heineken
like the arrogant bastard that I am and leave you
with a broken skull. The rules explicitly
stated no jabronis. So what is Bruce the
Brewer even doing here? Did I just bro your mind? As much as I hate this
35-year-old frat star, he did make me laugh with
that yeast infection line. He’s a tough opponent, but if he
gets through to the next round, I hope he decides to shoot in
a place that doesn’t belong in an episode of hoarders. Christian, what do you think? What are you talking about, Joe? That was my bedroom. Yeah, I let them
use it for the day. I charge him $50. Hey, money’s money, right? Broseph Joe Brody, listen,
I like the way you walk. I like the way you talk. I like your swagger. I even like your face. I do. It reminds me of me. It’s very punchable. People don’t really hate us. They’re jealous of us. Get me, bro? Hey, guys. It’s Broseph Joe Brody here. Just kidding. It’s the 2016 “Rock the Promo”
champ, Bruce the Brewer. While you’re on the beach
sipping Bud Light Lime, I’m at this brewery making
real beer for real men. That’s right. It’s like the NBA finals group. I’m Lebron, and
you’re Steph Curry, ’cause you’re gonna choke. I can’t wait to
get you in the ring and knock out those
pearly whites, because they look faker
than Donald Trump hair. That’s nice. 2016. Who has the beer? The beer. Hold the fuck on. Did anyone notice Bruce
the Brewer’s stomach? He lifted up his shirt
and smacked himself. It was already red. This must have
been the 40th take. It looked like he
was just beating the shit out of himself. Let’s see if that pays off. Christian? I felt like this promo was
just complete paint by numbers. You’re supposed
to be the brewer, but Broseph Joe Brody made
beer cooler than you did. Come on, man. You’ve got to step your game up. All right, Christian. Who’s moving on and
who’s gonna Snapchat themselves taking a dump? Joe, do you even need
to ask me the question? It’s pretty obvious, right? Broseph Joe Brody, bro. Congratulations, Broseph Joe
Brody, you son of a bitch. Let’s move into our
second match up. Chops Sampson versus The Filmer. When they told me my
next challenger would be John Kilmer, the
Filmer I had to laugh, because little Johnny boy,
you are not a challenge to me. I am divine, and
my singular focus is the “Rock the Promo”
championship belt, whereas you are a
distracted little boy desperate for attention. You prance around
in your furry coat, sunglasses on, taking
duck face selfies, and saying things like mahalo. I’m not scared, John,
but you should be. No heat, just pain. Yeah, bring the lights,
and bring the camera, but I’ll bring the action
because I’m the star. Stick to directing, kid, because
you cannot stop the chops. This whole promo
fucked up my eyes. I don’t know what
that background is, but I feel like I was looking
at an optical illusion. Let’s see what Christian thinks. What can you say
about Chops Sampson? I mean, look at the guy. He looks like the spirit
of Randy Macho Man Savage fused into Gilbert
Gottfried ball sack. Liked your promo. Liked your little gravelly
voice thing you have going on, but the ironic thing
about your promo is you could actually
use a filmer. I mean, you had
like two feet of– I don’t have time to explain it. Just look into it. Google it, or
stand on a soapbox. Today is a special
day, so I draped myself in my finest mink, and I
broke out the black stallion. Let’s get on the Chop Sampson,
you menthol smoking hobbit. You call yourself a
god– the god of what? Being a virgin? You say no one can touch
you because no one wants to touch you. You’re gross. What are you gonna do? Rub your face pubes
on me till I get lice? You hairy midget,
lollipop guild having, gap in the tooth Michael
Strahan, eat lunch alone ’cause you ain’t got no
friends loser, thank god you’re from the Windy City
so the climate can blow you and your bad haircut into
the ring with the Filmer and the director
of destruction can capture my foot in your ass. He went off on Chop–
said he had lice and shit. This seems, like, too personal. Like, I feel like
something happened that we’re not aware of. Someone’s aunt had to
have gotten fucked. All right, let’s say
what Christian thinks. Definitely,
definitely, his aunt. Yeah, for sure. As far as the
promo is concerned, I thought it was a strong promo. I thought it was really good. He believed in
what he was saying. He was– he was– he was clear. He was concise, and he
told you exactly what he was gonna do to this little
chop wearing motherfucker. Now, let me tell you about what
I didn’t like– the obvious. You murdered
Chewbacca, and you’re wearing him around your neck. You’re supposed to be a filmer,
yet you have, like, a 1990s you look like the cheapest
fucking filmer I’ve ever seen in my life. All right, Christian. Who’s moving on, and who’s
going home, putting on a dress, and taking it off
slow for no reason? Honestly, this was a
really tough decision. What it comes down
to is believing, and both guys believed
in what they were saying. They believed in
their character, and what I believe is,
if I don’t pick Chops, he will hunt me down,
find me, and molest me. Congratulations, Chops. You’re moving on. So let’s move on to
our next match up. Brownbutter versus
Sandra Demolish. The lovesy dovesy
Brownbuddzy is back, and nothing is gonna
keep Brownbutter from pitching my business
plan to Dwayne, “The Cupcake,” Johnson in the finals. Certainly not that stale
bread stick Sandra dehydrated. What, no water fountain in
your underground library? In fact, Sandra
D-runk and disorderly, when they should be at downtown
underground and book you, that’s called jail. The only thing more Sandra
D-sturbing than your cranked up townie goes to
Burning Man gimmick is Santagato’s potty mouth. Mother trucker? That’s a yucker,
but I just rocked this promo, motherfucker,
because Brownbutter makes everything better. Here I come, cupcake,
and I don’t stutter. So says one word, Brownbutter. How dare you? I don’t have a potty mouth. I really want to
know how tall you are, because you look like
you’re built like the Penguin from Batman. You look like three foot five. I don’t know. I want to know. I’m just guessing. By the way, this promo looks
like a real estate commercial. Are you selling me a house,
or are you talking some shit? Let’s see what Christian thinks. Joe, actually, yeah they are
trying to sell you my house. I couldn’t use it anymore
after the hoarding situation. Listen, I thought your
promo was well thought out. I thought it was good. I thought it was well
delivered, but I just– I want to see a little bit
more passion– a little more, I guess, aggressiveness. I mean, this is
“Rock the Promo,” not rock the afternoon
talk show circuit. Let’s see if Sandra Demolish
can outdo Brownbutter. Ah! I’m the new American
sweetheart Sandra Demolish, and that’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna rain down on you like
the American justice system. America doesn’t need another
clogged artery from you Brownbutter. Notice, Sandra
don’t stutter when she says Brownbutter
ain’t nothing but clutter. I’m gonna splutter you
all over that ring. Yeah! Guess what I had for breakfast–
a brown butter biscuit. Guess what I had for lunch–
a brown butter burger. And guess what I’m
having for dinner– you, Brownbutter. That’s right, I just
read your cookbook, and my mouth is watering. I’m going to take you
underground to my bake shop where no one will ever find you. Say goodbye to the land of
the free, you YMCA reject. USA! USA! USA! OK, first things first. She’s got great teeth. We know that. We’ve got a close up. She’s got a great
smile– pearly whites. Second thing, this
woman is clearly out of her fucking
mind, all right? If she doesn’t slow down, she’s
going to pop an artery and die. She’s very scary, and
she loves America. Like, did she just get back
from a Trump rally or some shit? Let’s see what Christian thinks. She’s– she’s feisty. She’s aggressive. She’s passionate. She’s the living embodiment
of all my sexual nightmares. That being said, I thought
it was a great promo. I mean, she– she
knows her stuff. She knows what she wants to say. She says it. She doesn’t care. She’s not afraid, and hey,
this is an unbiased opinion. I’m Canadian. I’m not even American. That USA stuff doesn’t
faze me one bit. Who’s moving on,
and who’s writing an angry email to their
coworkers in Comic Sans? Congratulations, Sandra
Demolish, you’re moving on. Congratulations, Sandra. Let’s move on to our
final match-up this week. Wrestling Fred
versus Prickly Pear. You guys think that
host, Joe “Santgagalato,” looks like a pissed
off Adam Levine? We’re on now? Hey, everybody,
it’s Wrestlin’ Fred. You know, the WF never won
a match in his whole life, but I’ll be damned
if I’m gonna get bummped from this competition
by some dude named Prickly Pear. Judging by your face, I’m
willing to bet paper, buddy, that you got another
prickly pear downstairs, I bet that fruit smells ripe,
especially shoved into them tight ass jeans. Are those jeans or
sausage casings? Roaming the desert talking
about how your sneeze created the [INAUDIBLE] behind you. I bet your breath
is what’s keeping it so damn hot out there. I got to start working on
my promo for round three while you start working on how
to even out that farmer’s tan. You look like a white walker,
and you picked the wrong day to come out and haunt the
neighborhood, ’cause it’s Friday night Fred and go down. Well, well, well it’s Wrestling
“Spit in Your Mouth” Fred. Fred came out firing. First he calls me a pissed off
version of Adam Levine, which I’m totally OK with because
he hates a super model, and then he starts
going off about Prickly Pear and his jeans. Christian, what do
you have to say? I’d like to clone
Wrestling Fred. I’d like to have him
as my little buddy at my side, my little
masked friend at all times. We’d go for bike rides. We’d join the rowing team. We’d do everything together. God, that would’ve been great. All right, let’s see how
Prickly Pear answers back. If I don’t aggressively
walk west for an hour a day, the Earth’s rotation
would slow, and I don’t want anything to slow me
from getting to Wrestling Fred. So you ate some hot dogs once. I ate a whole cattle drive. Cows, cowboys, cowboy
hats, chuck wagon and all. Last week I swallowed a
toothpick and pooped a tree. I’m coming for you,
Fred, and your mask will not protect you from
all the cacti, the coyotes, the constant heat, the
catastrophic pain, Fred. And I’m gonna use your tears
to replenish the desert just so I can decimate it again. Ha! Ha-choo! Fred. Well, holy shit. Prickly Pear is back
with a vengeance. I got to be honest. I don’t know how you beat a guy
who claims that he shits trees. So this is gonna be tough. Prickly Pear, great promo. I mean, original. I mean, he took it
outside four walls. The setting was
completely different, and that’s what
I liked about it. I could listen to this guy
talk about crapping out trees for like 20 minutes, and I can
only say that about five people I know. All right, Christian,
who’s moving on, and who’s leaking
Justin Bieber’s phone number on his Instagram? Do I have the hardest
bracket or what? Here’s the thing. I’m not completely
100% convinced that Prickly Pear and Wrestling
Fred aren’t the same person. So really, neither one of
them is really gonna lose, but officially Wrestling
Fred is moving on. Congratulations, Fred,
and congratulations to all the winners. Christian, what advice do
you have for the remaining contestants? My advice going forward
to all the contestants– just keep doing
what you’re doing. It’s gotten you this
far, and trust me, I know what I’m talking about. I mean, the Rock wouldn’t have
brought me here for nothing. I’m his favorite wrestler. He said it on television. OK, it was a line on a script,
and he didn’t want to say it, and then he was,
like, fine I’ll just say it so this fucking little
idiot will leave me alone. And he said it. Good luck. Thank you to all
the contestants. Congratulations to
those who are moving on, and Christian, again, thank
you for being on the show. Thanks for having me, and, um,
like if you need me tomorrow, I’m around, or the
day after that. All right, we’re halfway through
the second round, which is not as painful as the first
round, but you know, it’s still pretty
fucking painful. Tune in next week, where we
have guest judge Tommy Dreamer, all right? Do I seriously look
like Adam Levine? I’m a little excited about that. Tell me I look like him.

100 thoughts on “ROCK THE PROMO – Episode 5 feat. The Rock & Christian (Hosted by Joe Santagato)

  1. Why do I feel like a few of these guys/girl spent a few of there weekends listening to some old Randy Savage promo's. I'm not hating because I've watched them too but when you're trying to steal his intensity and rhythmic speech, I'm kind of vexed.

  2. joe is hilarious and the rock is awesome i wish i could be friends with both. gimme a job Rock : D… literally i cant find one D:

  3. Why tf did almost everything that I realized about the promos (the "optical illusion", and the guys stomach and the real estate commerical) Joe realizes too lmfaoooo.

  4. That first round had some shitty promo's which makes me wonder how crappy were the others besides the 32's promos like….

  5. So, Prickly Pear, if you have the abilities of Maui, why does your gut look like you just fucked you sister in a back alley. Your gimmick is your some Paul Bunyan folk hero, seems to me that your promo is the only thing colder than absolute zero

  6. I'm just gonna say it, Sandra demolish is my least favorite. I really don't like her. Not in either of the 2 clips she's had. But I'm not a judge so what do I know. Having fun though. Love ya Dwayne

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