Scarlett Johansson 5th Monologue – SNL


LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
SCARLETT JOHANSSON. ♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>THANK YOU!
[ APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I AM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK HERE AT “SNL.”
YOU KNOW, THE LAST TIME I HOSTED WAS IN 2015 WHEN THE MOST
UPSETTING THING IN THE NEWS WAS THAT “MAD MEN” WAS ENDING.
BUT NOW THIS IS MY FIFTH TIME HOSTING “SNL.”
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] KENAN WAS NICE ENOUGH TO MAKE A
HIGHLIGHT REEL WITH THE BEST MOMENTS FROM MY FIRST FOUR
SHOWS. SO LET’S TAKE A LOOK.
>>OOH, WEE, CIARA, DO YOU REALIZE HOW BORING THAT WAS?
THAT’S RIGHT. THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, NOT BY
VAGINA BUT BY MARRIAGE. GO AWAY.
LEAVE ME BE. LEAVE ME TO MY REGRET.
OKAY, THESE GUYS ARE KILLING ME. I AM HONESTLY LIKE FOUR OR FIVE
SECONDS FROM WILDIN’.>>OKAY.
THAT WAS MORE ABOUT KEENAN THAN ME.
ANYWAY, THIS IS A HUGE MILESTONE IN MY LIFE AND “SNL” FEELS LIKE
HOME TO ME NOW.>>SCAR JO, WHAT UP?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>HEY.
>>I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE.
>>I WAS ACTUALLY AT THE OSCARS WITH YOU.
>>I DIDN’T SEE YOU THERE, I’M SORRY.
>>WELL, IT WAS MY FIRST TIME. AND APPARENTLY THERE ARE TIERS
AND YOU’RE IN A TIER THAT’S HIGHER BECAUSE I TRIED TO GET
YOUR ATTENTION AT ONE POINT AND I WAS TASED.
SO –>>DID YOU GO TO ANY OF THE
AFTERPARTIES?>>I SURE DID.
WHICH PARTY DID YOU GO TO?>>I WENT TO VANITY FAIR.
>>OH, YEAH, THAT SOUNDS FUN. I WENT TO THE PURINA DOG CHOW
MEET AND GREET. IT WAS COOL.
IT WAS AN EXTREMELY CASH BAR. BUT — BUT I GOT TO RUB
SHOULDERS WITH THE LIKES OF HARVEY LEVIN FROM TMZ AND THE
HOUSE SLIPPER GUY WHO HELD A GUN TO HIS WIFE’S HEAD.
>>OH, I’M SORRY TO HEAR THAT. YOU KNOW, KATE AND I JUST DID A
MOVIE TOGETHER CALLED “THE ROUGH NIGHT.”
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] YES.
THE TRAILER DEBUTED LAST WEEK. SO LET’S JUST TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
>>HEY, HEY, HEY! IT’S FAT ALBERT.
>>OKAY. WE HAVE TO STOP LETTING KENAN
HANDLE THE CLIPS.>>HE’S BEEN HERE THE LONGEST
AND HE NEVER LETS US FORGET IT.>>YES, THAT’S RIGHT, CATHERINE.
LIGHT ON THE STARCH. LET’S SEE IF WE CAN GET IT RIGHT
THIS TIME. AND SCARLETT, HOW DID THE CLIP
PACKAGE GO OVER?>>THEY WERE JUST CLIPS OF YOU.
>>SO IT WENT WELL. GOOD.
GOOD TO HEAR. AND IN HONOR OF YOUR FIFTH TIME
HOSTING WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL FIVE-TIMERS JACKET JUST FOR YOU.
>>OOH! THANK YOU.
THANK YOU GUYS. IT MEANS A LOT TO ME.
THANK YOU!>>YOU ARE VERY WELCOME.
AND YOU’RE ALWAYS WELCOME HERE ANY TIME.
NOW LET US SING THE SACRED AND SOLEMN FIVE-TIMERS SONG THAT HAS
BEEN SUNG SINCE THE SHOW BEGAN. ♪ FIVE
FIVE TIMES FIVE TIMES HOSTING ♪
♪ FIVE FIVE TIMES
FIVE TIMES HOSTING ♪>>WAIT, IS THAT THE SONG FROM
THE SUBWAY COMMERCIAL?>>I AM NOW REALIZING THAT IT
IS. ♪ FIVE ♪
>>WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW. LORDE IS HERE.
SO STICK AROUND. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ FIVE TIMES HOSTING ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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